Post by blackbetty on Feb 12, 2010 20:29:13 GMT -6
March 12, 2001
The blinding wolf rage is gone for the most part, now... I'm back in control... I guess I have Uncle Charlie and the pack to thank for that. They kept me from destroying the bastard responsible for Rick's murder... I still don't know if I want to thank them or hate them for that...
Chief Rawlings "suggested" I take a bereavement leave of absence... The only thing I have left to get me through the fucking day and he wants to take it away from me! What's worse is that the department's forcing me to see a shrink in the process! Then, if I don't show actual progress or signs of "opening up" and "healing" I don't get my shield back... A girl loses it on a suspect one fucking time and she's labeled as a potential rage addict who's 'mad from grief'...
Let's see one of them have their entire world torn out from beneath them and see if they don't fall.
Janna, our pack psychiatrist, the one who encouraged me to start writing this bloody thing, says I should take the leave; spend some time at the pack house and just grieve... Like I'm some fuckin' porcelain doll who's this close to shattering!
But maybe she's right... Maybe I am teetering on that raggedy edge... If I fall completely the pack will have to put me down... Like a dog...
I owe him more than that...
I've tried to just sit down and cry it out, but all I can feel is this raging anger that overpowers everything else... This fury and hatred burning in my veins like poison acid...
I put Chavez in the hospital for four months... Four months! And I still don't think the bastard was punished enough! I want to bathe in his blood... I want to tear out his spine and eat his heart...I know that's mostly my wolf talkin' but the wolf is me, I am the wolf... I want him butchered alive...
There is literally no color left in the world anymore... All I can see now is black and white, with shades of gray... There is no warmth or life... Just a frozen wasteland; a shadow of what once was and may never be again...
My soul is dead... It died with him... All that's left to me now is the job... And I can't even do that for two more months...
The blinding wolf rage is gone for the most part, now... I'm back in control... I guess I have Uncle Charlie and the pack to thank for that. They kept me from destroying the bastard responsible for Rick's murder... I still don't know if I want to thank them or hate them for that...
Chief Rawlings "suggested" I take a bereavement leave of absence... The only thing I have left to get me through the fucking day and he wants to take it away from me! What's worse is that the department's forcing me to see a shrink in the process! Then, if I don't show actual progress or signs of "opening up" and "healing" I don't get my shield back... A girl loses it on a suspect one fucking time and she's labeled as a potential rage addict who's 'mad from grief'...
Let's see one of them have their entire world torn out from beneath them and see if they don't fall.
Janna, our pack psychiatrist, the one who encouraged me to start writing this bloody thing, says I should take the leave; spend some time at the pack house and just grieve... Like I'm some fuckin' porcelain doll who's this close to shattering!
But maybe she's right... Maybe I am teetering on that raggedy edge... If I fall completely the pack will have to put me down... Like a dog...
I owe him more than that...
I've tried to just sit down and cry it out, but all I can feel is this raging anger that overpowers everything else... This fury and hatred burning in my veins like poison acid...
I put Chavez in the hospital for four months... Four months! And I still don't think the bastard was punished enough! I want to bathe in his blood... I want to tear out his spine and eat his heart...I know that's mostly my wolf talkin' but the wolf is me, I am the wolf... I want him butchered alive...
There is literally no color left in the world anymore... All I can see now is black and white, with shades of gray... There is no warmth or life... Just a frozen wasteland; a shadow of what once was and may never be again...
My soul is dead... It died with him... All that's left to me now is the job... And I can't even do that for two more months...
